Okay, time to stop crime...

By WicBury Crapper Board Member "CornLogsRule"....

Okay, its time to stop crime.

And we at the WicBury Crapper, of course, have all the answers!

First, lets just admit that crime is totally out of control. Lets ask this question. If your car broke down on Rt. 13 at North Blvd. would you feel comfortable walking down Smith Street to PMRC to make a phone call at 2AM? Probably not. Why? Because you might get hit over the head, shot, stabbed, robbed, raped, or hit over the head while being shot, raped, robbed and stabbed.

So, is this the fault of the police? No. So where does the blame lie? Well the blame lies with the Government because even though everyone wants a lower crime rate and to feel safe in their homes there is apparently no money out there for more police, better equipment, or even to retain current cops on the job (some departments are laying off cops).

Brings us to our next point.. Is education as important as safety? No. While your educators enjoyed an increase in pay and have been restrained from having their budget cuts your kids will be getting beaten, shot, stabbed, robbed and hit over the head for their lunch money OR hit by a car because they slashed the police department's crossing guards. How foolish is this?

In any society safety is of paramount concern to citizens. If you are not safe and there is not enough police protection and the courts fail and punishment fails you have what we have today. And we are on the precipice of a very slippery slope. Eventually, you have anarchy, which is what rampant crime is. Rampant violent crime is the inability of society to control itself from more heathen behaviors because there is a lack of law enforcement. Our jails and prisons are at an all time high in capacity. The U.S. houses five times more people in prison than the rest of the world, on average.

And to no surprise Salisbury is now, per capita, the second most violet city in the United States. How can this be?

Well, people are not afraid of going to jail. Jail is somewhat of an inconvenience for them. People don't like going to prison because they know they won't be out anytime soon. We warehouse people for the simple fact that we can't figure out whats wrong in our society to combat crime. This question has been plaguing mankind since the inception of societal rule.

Years ago crime was not as rampant due to several reasons. First, the moral fiber of society was much more conservative. Most people did not think it was a wise idea to cuss the police mainly because the police would break their teeth off. Therefore, people had a healthy respect and fear of law enforcement officers, as it should be. The move away from the authoritarian style of policing and more towards the community oriented policing has not solved crime, rather it has gotten much worse.

There was a limit on technology and thus communications. Communications is not always a good thing. For instance before movable type (the printing press) people generally got their news from other areas by word of mouth or written notices posted conspicuously. Even when people only had telephones in their homes the ability of the government to tap a criminals phone line was much easier, cheaper, and quicker. It is much, much easier to communicate when criminals have prepaid drop phones. "Blicka Blicka, where you at?" "Yo the polize is right aroun the corna yo."

Drugs are more accepted. Hey, its okay to use, sell, produce, smoke, shoot, or whatever drugs now. In fact, lets open up marijuana smoke shops around the country, oh wait, that's already happening, never mind. OH people are getting shot over drugs? Eh, it's only criminals who cares. OH a stray bullet shot someone in the leg in an apartment building (pemberton), well, they shouldn't have been living in a lower income area. Oh wait a second, that's a wrong way of thinking. Whoops! We have to give people nicer places with tax money so that the criminals will sell drugs somewhere else and thus get shot somewhere else! WTF?!

So we at the crapper of course have the solution to everything. Here's the solution, drum roll please... follow the following plan and we guarantee a rapid drop in the crime rate...

1. Untie the hands of the police. You want less crime, cops want less crime but it might take some muscle because criminals don't care about beating you in the head and taking your wallet so, cops just might have to beat a criminal or two in the head.

2. Initiate martial law for 30 days.

3. Equip the police with what the police need (i.e. rifles, shotguns, tasers, rocket launchers, and flamethrowers).

4. Drop serious criminals on an island saturated with drugs and weapons with no way of escaping (shark infested waters or gunships off shore) and wait. Kinda like escape from New York. Cheesy movie but what a great idea.

5. If that doesn't work drop a MOAB over the island and kill everyone dead.

6. Child molesters, murders, and armed robbers, oh yeah and rapist hang out front of the courthouse. "The hell with them fellas. Worms gotta eat the same as buzzards." - Clint Eastwood, Outlaw Josey Whales.

7. Prioritize law enforcement budgets over anything else. Well it's nice that your kids are learning trigonometry and are all smart and stuff but, who cares when someone is breaking into your house at 3AM?

8. Joint street level enforcement task force. And, when we mean task force, not like the "crime task force" where fatheads sit around and wonder why things aren't improving, we mean twenty huge cops from multiple jurisdictions, in vans rolling around jumping out on corner drug dealers several times a week, randomly. You will see a rapid decrease in street level sales.

The last time this happened people cried that it was racist because cops raided the Parry and Gates barbershop where there is an open air drug market. So, how about now allowing drug sales to go on in front of your barbershop? Their answer, well if you see someone selling drugs in front of the barbershop arrest them! Well, cops tried to do that and it was racist apperently.

9. All searches authorized of persons and vehicles with just RAS (reasonable articuable suspicion). If you are not carrying dope or guns we guess you have nothing to worry about right?

10. Replace failing government officials with officials FROM OUTSIDE OF THE AREA. ENOUGH OF THE "GOOD OLD BOYS NETWORK" IN POLITICS AROUND HERE. THATS WHY NOTHING EVER GETS DONE WITH ANYTHING. WHO'S DING-A-LING IS BIGGER??ENOUGH OF THE CHIEF AND THE MAYOR BICKERING OVER DUMB CRAP. ENOUGH OF DEPARTMENTS BUTTING HEADS TO WORK TOGETHER TO SOLVE CRIME PROBLEMS. REPLACE EVERYONE WITH ALL NEW AND OUT OF COUNTY/STATE PEOPLE. NEW IDEAS. NEW PEOPLE.

11. Das Crapper for president.

12. Fleeing felons shot dead.

Questions/comments? Hmmmmm?